Free Beer - By The Artfull Blogger

October 3rd, 2007 · Comments - by John -

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OK, now that I have you’re undivided attention; let’s talk about something near and dear to all of us (No, not beer. Get over it already.). I was referring to fire drills. Yes, I know you’re all excited. Whether you’re a merchant, a squid, or a rig-pig, you look forward to each and every drill. You savor each and every nuance. You . . . OK, enough. I know we all hate fire drills. I used to as well. Yeah that’s right; I used to. No, I’m not one of those masochistic kind of guys (OK, there was that time that I requested to be stationed in Guam.). The point I’m trying to make is, why do firefighting and damage control drills have to be painful? What? You don’t know? Come on . . . Think about it . . . Still need more time? . . . Sing the Jeopardy song then . . . I’m still waiting? . . . Give up? Drills are painful because they’re prone to inspection (Holy Pavlov’s Dog, Batman!). When we here that word: “Inspection,” we get that pain in the pits of our guts (You know, the same kind of pain a guy gets when she says: “I’m pregnant.”). When we setup our fire drills, we do it in accordance with the guidelines provided by the inspecting organization. That’s the problem! We know what the inspectors are looking for and we teach the test. That’s always been the modus operandi of training. (Are you lost? I was once diagnosed with ADD, but I learned to . . . ooo . . . look . . . shiny! As always, I digress). We take each line item of the inspection sheet and use it as a guideline for our drills. What’s wrong with that, you ask? (You’d better be asking; I would.) It’s BORRING! I had a skipper once (Yeah, another sea story.) who used to say: “If morale is bad, hold a fire drill. At least they’d all hate the same damn thing for a change.”

This is why I’m going to write a multi-part series on firefighting and damage control drills. The reason I say “multi-part” is because I don’t know how many parts I’m going to write yet. This is just the introduction, or you could call it “Part One;” whatever you wish. (Did you ever notice how I love to use semi-colons? I had an uncle with a semi-colon. You see, he had this bag that hung outside of his, well, never mind. Damn ADD.)

Anyway, I’ll be giving suggestions on how to make your drills more interesting, and you’ll still be able to follow the necessary guidelines in accordance with that “I” word. That’s all for now, kiddies. For the record, I do have adult ADD (What do the doctors know anyway. I think it’s the five gallons of coffee I drink each day.). This is the Artful Blogger. That’s my story, and I’m stickin’ to it!

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About The Author

Captain John Konrad is co-founder of Unofficial Networks and Editor In Chief of this blog. He is a USCG licensed Master Mariner of Unlimited Tonnage and, since graduating from SUNY Maritime College, has sailed a variety of ships from ports around the world. He currently lives in Morro Bay, California with his wife and two children.
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