Funny Shit you begin to notice after being home for awhile

[OICUR12]

My garbage man is a "wise guy". This guy has me by the short and curlies.

The guy gave me grief one day a couple years ago.

I was mowing my lawn and he stopped me to ask me if I 'was starting my own landfill?'.

I thought, I don't have to take that shit from a frickin 'garbage man'. I will switch services.

I switched and things went well for awhile.

Then my new service got bought out by a crappier service. They still picked up my trash without giving me any grief but the service was worse and more expensive.

Whatever. At least i didn't have to deal with the smart assed trash man while mowing my lawn.

The crappy trash pick up got bought out by the smart ass trash man's company. Now I am stuck with smart ass garbage man.

No other options.

This guy charges the crap out of me if i don't fit a weeks worth of trash from 7 people into two 95 gallon cans. 1 extra can will cost ya $95. what a deal.

Almost got a dumpster but wife put her foot down on that one. Lots of coons around here.

May still get one if this guy keeps up the attitude.

I deal with drama, politics, and BS for a month or more at a time at work. I can't believe i gotta come home on my off time and deal with a "wiseguy garbageman".

Things are ok as long as i am home to seperate the recycle from the household trash. The minute i go back to work recycle cans get turned into trash cans. Thus my trash bill doubles when i leave but i never get to see the bill so i can bitch about it. the wife sees to that.

Putting the trash in her name don't help. she still pays the bill with my checking account.

[seadawg]

IMHO..recycle/trash the wife and marry the "wiseguy"!!

[skycowboy]

I was a passenger in a car being backed out of a tight parking space. When the driver started cutting the wheel a little too early, I started yelling WATCH THE BOW, WATCH THE BOW. The land lubber driver slammed on the brakes and said, what the hell are you yelling about.

[anchorman]

I was a passenger in a car being backed out of a tight parking space. When the driver started cutting the wheel a little too early, I started yelling WATCH THE BOW, WATCH THE BOW. The land lubber driver slammed on the brakes and said, what the hell are you yelling about.

I've told my nephew, "You need to tie your Port tennis shoe before you trip"

[rjbpilot]

I am always catching myself saying forward and aft, bow and stern when referring to my vehicles at home.........

[jthomas1600]

A few days after I got home this time my wife and I returned home from town. My wife says "oh, it looks like Jody stopped by". I said wha... It turns out there was a package on our front porch and our UPS guy is named Jody. How do you like that?

[injunear]

When I first started sailing, my Chief told the story of coming home a day early to find his wife with another man. He claimed to have snatched the guy up and said "so you're the SOB that's been using my aftershave lotion"!!! During my first marrige, I caught myself several times gauging the aftershave bottle.....

[seadog6608]

I'm always saying "roger that" or "standby" to my woman. She thinks its funny as hell.

[boattrash]

My wife gave me a hard time ,when i took her out to dinner and asked the waitress,"where's the head?"

[injunear]

I noticed this before I retired and it happened again the other day....Some of the same guys I started sailing with 40 years ago, rubbed elbows in many barrooms are now rubbing elbows in the pharmacy waiting area. Where before, we would argue over which single malt or which sipping grade rum was the best, we now discuss ways to lower our triglycerides....

[chemcarrier]

When you see him again, slap the sh%t out of him for everyone that has a job out here.

[chemcarrier]

I have hard time when I go home not looking around the base of toilet where it bolts to the floor to see if it is clean or not. The wife does not take too kindly to this behavior!! Now when she catches me doing it I just tell her how close she is too getting "Run Off".

[boattrash]

thats "RUNNOFT"

[injunear]

"RUNNOFT" is past tense.

[chemcarrier]

I can't help but notice just when I get home and start to think all is right with the world (at least at my house). I then realize that every shitty thing that happened in a place that I have not been in a month was also my fault. What the hell is that all about?

[injunear]

I can't help but notice just when I get home and start to think all is right with the world (at least at my house). I then realize that every shitty thing that happened in a place that I have not been in a month was also my fault. What the hell is that all about?

It's called marriage....Even in retirement, everything is still your fault.

[chemcarrier]

So much for looking forward to retirement!!

[Jemplayer]

I do the toliet thing all the time. Im pretty good at holding my tounge, but I finely hired a maid to clean the house. Partly just so I can have someone to bitch at when things aren't clean and I don't have to worry about sleeping on the couch while I'm off.

[richard8000milesaway]

I'm always saying "roger that" or "standby" to my woman. She thinks its funny as hell.

yeah, same with me (ROGER ROGER). also use NEGATIVE a lot. my kids think its loco. i don't mean to... it just kinda happens.

also, when i do something geeky or dad-like my 12 yr old daughter pipes in with a "GAY" comment. to wit: "should i wear this Hawiian shirt to your School Conference?", eldest daughter: "No. Gay."

[Shellback]

I've enjoyed this thread alot but didn't think I would be contributing to it , that is until tonight...

The wife is having a bunko game, 12 women playing dice and drinking....I shut myself in my office to study for my upcoming exam, oblivious to the shennanigans going on in my living room...I just about have this running fix nailed down and I get a knock on the door and this little brunette pokes her head in, wondering if this is the little girls room? ..I look up from my plotting sheet and like an idiot, I say, "ahhh, the heads that way"...She giggles and leaves...

Maybe she didn't really hear what I said..