'Twas the night before Christmas...tugboat style

[seadog!]

'Twas the night before Christmas,
and all through the tug,
The AB was stirring,
a sauce for roast pug.

The dock lines were hung
by the fidley with care,
in hopes that crew change
soon would be there.

The tugs' crew were all nestled
safe in their beds,
all hoping the Captain
was not off his meds.

Me out of my float coat,
and warm woolen cap,
had just settled in
for a short off-watch nap.

When down in the galley
there arose such a clatter,
I rolled back over-
didn't care what's the matter.

The moon on the breast
of the calendar girls,
gave luster to the New Year,
and calming to fears.

When what to my wandering eyes should appear?
But a rusty old crew boat, approaching too near.

With a little old Captain,
so Cajun and thick.
I could tell right away,
he wasn't too quick.

More rapid than eagles
his curses they came,
as he whistled and shouted and
called us bad names.

Go faster!
Get moving!
I'm boozed up
and drooling!

Then up to the wheelhouse
the drunk Cajun flew,
with reckless abandon,
all hopped up on glue.

And then in a clinking,
a clunk and a shutter,
he flew down the stacks,
slid down just like butter.

He was wearing his besties,
from his head to his testes.
A coonskin, a gator
and 2 robins' nesties.

His eyes, they were bloodshot,
his dimples all hairy.
His hair smelled like onions,
his nose was quite scary.

He spoke not a word,
but went strait to his work,
he ate all of our junk food,
this guy was a jerk!

And laying his finger
alongside of his nose,
he emptied its contents,
as if blown from a hose.

He sprang to his crew boat
still belching black smoke,
I stopped and I spoke,
"I know I'm up early,
but this must be a joke!"

But I heard him exclaim,
as he steamed out of sight,
"I Captain by day,
and I pillage by night!"

When up from my nap
I suddenly wakened.
It's all just a dream,
but why am I naked?