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Thread: Best Jokes in the Engine room

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    Default Best Jokes in the Engine room

    One guy I worked with told me a story of when he sailed 1st. He and the 2nd engineer had previously measured all the pipe in a complicated run they were working on to the 1/4". The chief was a micro-manager who liked to watch. The 1st would hold up his hands spread apart a bit and yell to the second, "I need a pipe this long." It fit into the run exactly. The chief was amazed at the fast pipe fitting. They did this for hours fooling this chief into thinking they were master pipe fitters.
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    Default Re: Best Jokes in the Engine room

    An Engineer rushed his pregnant wife to the hospital, who gave birth to, not one or two, but three boys. After the nurse left them alone he asked her, "holy shit honey,,,what happened?" To which she answered, "Wellllllll remembered that night I needed some help? I mistakenly used the 3 in 1 oil." As he studied the result and with a smile he answered. "Thank god it wasn't the WD-40."
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    Default Re: Best Jokes in the Engine room

    I sailed on one ship where the Captain liked to call the engine room for "standby for bells" after which he would ring a little bell he kept on the Bridge. One day the Chief called the bridge, the Captain answered, the Chief said "I'm blowing tubes." the Captain fainted.
    ~ the road goes on forever and the party never ends ~
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    Default Re: Best Jokes in the Engine room

    I hope that "Tubes" wasn't the oiler's nickname. . .
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    Default Re: Best Jokes in the Engine room

    Quote Originally Posted by cmakin View Post
    I hope that "Tubes" wasn't the oiler's nickname. . .
    Maaaaa Bee
    ~ the road goes on forever and the party never ends ~
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    Default Re: Best Jokes in the Engine room

    Quote Originally Posted by cmakin View Post
    I hope that "Tubes" wasn't the oiler's nickname. . .
    You beat me to it!
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    seacomber is offline Old Salt
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    Default Re: Best Jokes in the Engine room

    albertpachino
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    At The Pearly Gates

    The Engineer & the Mate at the Pearly Gate
    Oil soaked shoes all covered with grime...
    Polished shoes with a brilliant shine,
    Sweaty clothes all stained with grease...
    Shirt and tie and pants well-creased,
    Oily, scarred and calloused hands...
    Manicured fingers, looking grand,

    Thus they approached the Pearly Gate...
    The Engineer and the Mate,

    Saint Peter gazed at this strange sight...
    He knew one was wrong and the other was right,
    To be sure, he then did look...
    In his gigantic Judgement Book,
    Then looking up he said so clear...
    I’ll now pass judgement on the Engineer,
    You’ve sweated blood, you’ve breathed some gas...
    The scars and bruises and burns still last,
    So come my son and take your place...
    Like a king in all his grace,
    You my son, you’ve stood it so well...
    You’ve surely had your share in hell,
    The Engineer passed through the Pearly Gates...

    Saint Peter then turned on to the Mate’
    You’ve filled your lungs with cool, clean air...
    You’ve known the breeze and sun up there,
    Pushing a pencil, you’ve traveled in class...
    You’ve been a passenger before the mast.
    There is no question “yes” or “no”...
    Now it’s your turn to go below!
    Last edited by albertpachino; February 24th,

    I heard uncontrolled laughter coming from the old man's office a couple years back, somehow someone left this

    on his desk.
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    Default Re: Best Jokes in the Engine room

    I had a running partner in Alaska, we fished for a month at the beginning of every season "up North". A fairly remote area a long way from home. It was imperative to have our best crew on these trips as many problems we encountered had to be fixed "on the grounds". Well my buddies stove went out one day, so our cook prepared enough chow for both crews. They came alongside not knowing what was waiting for them, but just before we could send the surprise across, Tommy the Engineer pulled five steaks and five heavily foil wrapped baked potatoes out of the main engine stack. In amazement i couldn't wait to see the result, it was competely devoured on the spot right on top of the house. They took the next days meal from our galley thankfully. A few days later we headed for town, I was always the lead boat, but they went roaring past..full throttle. I called my buddy, 'what's the hurry?" his reply, " Tommy's cooking a pork roast".
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    Default Re: Best Jokes in the Engine room

    I found this interesting little ditty lurking in the engine room computer aboard the SS Sag River. I loved it and stole it. I asked if anyone knew who might be its author, no one knew or wouldn't say. I strongly suspected it was the Chief Mate, the computers on ship were in a network and The Mate carried a little grin on his face when he saw me. So, here it is, my fellow Merchant Seamen, Enjoy.

    An Engineer's Lament.jpg
    ~ the road goes on forever and the party never ends ~
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    Default Re: Best Jokes in the Engine room

    Quote Originally Posted by seacomber View Post
    I had a running partner in Alaska, we fished for a month at the beginning of every season "up North". A fairly remote area a long way from home. It was imperative to have our best crew on these trips as many problems we encountered had to be fixed "on the grounds". Well my buddies stove went out one day, so our cook prepared enough chow for both crews. They came alongside not knowing what was waiting for them, but just before we could send the surprise across, Tommy the Engineer pulled five steaks and five heavily foil wrapped baked potatoes out of the main engine stack. In amazement i couldn't wait to see the result, it was competely devoured on the spot right on top of the house. They took the next days meal from our galley thankfully. A few days later we headed for town, I was always the lead boat, but they went roaring past..full throttle. I called my buddy, 'what's the hurry?" his reply, " Tommy's cooking a pork roast".
    "Tommy's cooking a pork roast" - Oh my goodness, I love it, Thanks seacomer
    ~ the road goes on forever and the party never ends ~
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    Default Re: Best Jokes in the Engine room

    Quote Originally Posted by Sweat-n-Grease View Post
    I found this interesting little ditty lurking in the engine room computer aboard the SS Sag River. I loved it and stole it. I asked if anyone knew who might be its author, no one knew or wouldn't say. I strongly suspected it was the Chief Mate, the computers on ship were in a network and The Mate carried a little grin on his face when he saw me. So, here it is, my fellow Merchant Seamen, Enjoy.

    An Engineer's Lament.jpg
    My "Thanks" button has become somewhat elusive once again. . . .
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    Default Re: Best Jokes in the Engine room

    The old T-2 tankers had a voice tube that went to the chiefs room. One wise ass 2nd would trim the air hatches so the engine room had a slight positive pressure then he would light an oil soaked piece of packing on fire then blow it out. The "incense" smoke would go up the tube to the chiefs room and the chief would call below asking if something was burning up below. By then the 2nd had stubbed out his "incense".
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