We had a new bunch of client "seamen" come aboard our boat. I was talking to another engineer after an "all ships meeting noon" about how these knuckleheads always clog our public head shitters ,which are the usual vacuum systems here in the gulf. By 6 pm "knucklehead time" they had clogged the soil lines so bad it took til 3 am to unclog these ass-wipes mess. Do any of you feel discussing an incident brings exactly the same one on?
Those people are just offshore workers. The term "seaman" should never be used to describe them. I feel your pain as I have found all sorts of strange international objects in the ice cream machine. The most common items are socks and rags which I'm assuming were used when TP was nowhere to be found. Nothing like a Lincoln Log jam caused by the remnants of an old AC/DC shirt.
ChiefRob (January 29th, 2013)
I worked as 1st on a ship with a Red-Fox unit. I (as 1st) decided to to flush the unit as no records of the clarifier chamber being flushed had been recorded. We flushed it out no problem. I decided to flush the effluent/chlorine contact chamber too. Lots of gum folks. I decided the Full Monty was needed as we were outfitted in "condom suits and organic respirators" and needed to finish the project. We opened the influent chamber. A "magnum" condom was floating in the chamber.That is a large size for the rest of us "tiny-weeny" buyers. I informed the engine delegate we either had the cook doing the mess man, or there was some serious stern-tubing going on.
...and you knew it was a "magnum" condom how?? Had to ask.
~ the road goes on forever and the party never ends ~
I use the tiny-weenies so it must have been a magnum or it was pretty big floating on top of the turds. My wife and I are in our fifties so birth control is not important. Do you think any guy buying a condom would go for a regular instead of a magnum.
A Parent= A regular guy who buys the magnum so he can accidentally let it "drop" out of his wallet at the bar.
I had a mental image of you guys in Tyvek suits closely scrutinizing the captured condom under a magnifying glass.
On my first tanker the chief engineer came up to the bridge with his hair slicked back as if he just stepped out from a long shower. With pruned fingers he handed me the figures for the noon slip, looked me dead square in the face, and said "If I see steam coming out of anyone's room besides yours and the old man's I'll have your ass!"
I couldn't figure out what he meant until after I got off watch and brought the log book down to the captain's cabin for a signature... the old man took one look at the log, pointed at the "Available fresh water" figure then quickly grabbed a fresh towel and pushed me out of the cabin. 30 minutes later (after a shower of my own) I passed the captain's cabin and the door was still closed... steam pouring out the vent.
Well, I returned work for a few hours then -at the appointed hour- headed to the break room for coffee. No one mentioned the water situation but 5 minutes later chief mate arrived smelling like BO... Having spent a few hours in the sweltering summer sun he entered the break room, sat down and - clearly enjoying the air conditioning - closed his eyes and smiled. But that smile was brief because the moment he opened his eyes he glanced around the room and quickly noticed that me, the captain and every engineer was freshly showered. Well it didn't take him long to put 2-and-2 together and in a flash he jumped up with a look of panic and ran to his cabin like a crack addict running from the police.
4 minutes of silence was broken when he returned cursing - his face red in anger - and waving his right middle finger at the chief. He would have waved his left middle finger at the rest of us...but it was busy holding up a towel
That sign remained up until we reached port.... nearly 2 days later.
The chief mate's anger laster a few days long
I worked on SAT dive boats for several years. One incident in particular that reminds me of the story above. We had been offshore for over 4 months, on location. We started having issues with the MSD, so it ws time to open it up and clean out both tanks. As my oiler was digging around he started finding condums. After it was all said and done it was a bunch of condums. Mind you there were NO FEMALES onboard, and we had not been to the dock in over 4 months. So I put them all in a zip lock bag, and gave it to the dive supervisor. I told him that I was pretty sure it this funny business was coming from his crew. The company we worked for had a big safety meeting every Friday in the galley. During the safety meeting all lthe department heads got up and and gave there little speach. As the dive supervisor finished his speach, he say's oh ya, then pulls this ziplock bag full of condums out of his back pocket and holds them up for everyone to see. He looks right at the divers and say's I appreciate the fact that you guys are practicing safe sex, but from now on please don't flush your condums down the heads anymore, it is pissing off the engineers. You should have seen the look on those divers face and several of them turn beet red. Everyone of them just sat there in amazment. Ofcourse I was laughing my ass off. We quit having problems after that.
Sweat-n-Grease (January 29th, 2013)